A letter to my dad

This was a letter I felt compelled to write to my father 2 weeks after my mom had died.  I could not say if these were his issues at the time, but this story was on my mind constantly.  It is very difficult watching my father grieve.   To see his pain to see him lose his life partner of 44 years....

You are in a situation that requires what I think is the biggest challenge of mountain-moving faith. You have strong faith in the Lord, I have never doubted that for a second. But losing a part of you, losing a part of your life is an incredible challenge to your very being. I feel socked in the gut so you must feel totally knocked out. When I have challenges (nothing like this tho) sometimes I feel alone. It is the independent person in me that feels I need to do this, get thru this. Perhaps God is challenging you for even more dependency. I am not sure. The story that comes to me over and over when I think of this unbelievable situation that you are in is Job. Even tho Job was a testing we can learn from his responses. After he lost all his children and then God allowed Satan to affect his health, Job said to his wife “Shall we indeed accept good from God and not accept adversity?”

Job wept and mourned and questioned why he did not die at birth.

Job also says to his friends “Sorry comforters are you all” He did not receive comfort from them even tho they came to originally comfort him. They changed once they saw his condition. But Job did not pretend for the sake of others. He was truthful and honest in his emotions with everyone. This is the man God called him blameless and upright man, turning away from evil.

Job feels completely alone. Everything and Everyone is against him. He is clearly in terrible pain and feeling completely abandoned. After he states this he then says “And as for me, I know that my Redeemer lives, And at the last He will take His stand on the earth. Even after my skin is destroyed. Yet from my flesh I shall see God”

He then states later in Job 23:8-12

“Behold I go forward but He is not there, and backward, but I cannot perceive Him; When He acts on the left, I cannot behold Him; He turns on the right, I cannot see Him. But He knows the way I take; When He has tried me, I shall come forth as gold. My foot has held fast to His path; I have kept His way and not turned aside.

I think this next verse is pretty amazing;

I have not departed from the command of His lips; I have treasured the words of His mouth more than my necessary food.”

Here is a man completely vexed. He has clearly spoken of the Lord, he has rebuked his friends for what they have said.

Then God finally comes out of a whirlwind and one of His conversations with Job was;

chapter 40

The the Lord said to Job, “will the faultfinder contend with the Almighty? Let him who reproves God answer it:”

Then Job answered the Lord and said. “Behold, I am insignificant; what can I reply to Thee? I lay my hand on my mouth. Once I have spoken, and I will not answer; Even twice, and I will add no more.”

The the Lord answered Job out of the storm, and said, “Now gird up your loins like a man; I will ask you, and you instruct Me. Will you really annul My judgement? Will you condemn Me that you may be justified? Or do you have an arm like God, and can you thunder with a voice like His? Adorn yourself with eminence and dignity; and clothe yourself with honor and majesty. Pour out the overflowings of your anger; and look on everyone who is proud, and make him low.

God reminds Job of who He is:

Do you know the time the mountain goats give birth? Do you observe the caving of the deer?.... Have you ever in your life commanded the morning, and caused the dawn to know its place;... Have the gates of death been revealed to you?...Can you hunt the prey for the lion, or satisfy the appetite fo the young lions, when they crouch in their dens, and lie in wait in their lair? Who prepares the raven its nourishment, When its young cry to God, and wander about without food.

When I read this it reminds me who our God is. It reminds me how can I feel scared, how can I feel that I cannot face the future with this God with me. How can I even think of my fears when I have a God who cares for me more than His creation. Then I remember I am ok. And I smile and thank God for being there for me and with me even tho I have abandoned Him. I ask God for forgiveness for forgetting Him in my times of trial. Thinking I can do this on my own. I cannot. Then I feel Him carrying me, and I remember that we can have peace in times of great turmoil.